love is watching someone die

The death cab for cutie song" what sarah said' actually came true for me this past thursday morning. My mom came upstairs to say her brother rick was not doing well, doctors thought it was a.stroke, and my cousin, amanda, told her that she needed to come up.this was @ eleven on wednesday night. I made a call.for.my work and hopped in the car. We made it to pinnacle hospital in harrisburg in 3.5 hours.@ 2:15 am, When amanda came down to get us at the lobby of.the hospital with red eyes I knew it wasn't good. We got up to the 7th floor and mom saw her uncle rich( we have ALOT of Richards in my family seven : to be exact.) She hugged him and lost it. We walked into the waiting room with red eyes staring @ us like oh no they don't know yet .. grief hung in the air like a thick fog. My aunt k, my mom's brother's (rick) took us to his room. And there on the bed lay my uncle rick, looked like he was sleeping with exception of the tube in his mouth. It seemed that we had to do was shake him andhe would wake. He just looked tired.mom and i talked.to.him, held his hnds, kissed him, asked him to wake but ... I hated calling my sister @ three am that our uncle was not going to wake. H asked what did the doctors say? Are you sure he wont wake? There is not a chance? He had a bleed on the brain probably due to a stroke and was not going to wake... the nurse said the ct scan was impressive as in impressive how much damage was done. The respirator was breathing for him but his heart with all its troubles marched on. And this is when I was reminded of that death cab song... and I rationed my breathes/ as I said to myself/ that i'd already taken too much today/ ... every beat on the lcd took you a little further away from me. Thursday morning, my aunt and cousin, R, after consulting anoher time with the neurologist that there was no sign of recovery, took my uncle off the respirator. We gathered around, prayed, sang amazing grace and watched him slip away. It was amazing to see the color change.. what bothers me.is that both of his daughter in laws lost their fathers in tragedy and @ young ages. His granddaughters will not have grandfathers. I lost my grammam @ the youngest age and H and i lost our grandpa when h was three, the oldest granddaughter 's age. Its just plain aweful. I regret not getting up to his classroom to see him teach.you see we are both history teachers. Why didn't I go?

I aplogize this so out of order and grammatical incorrect...I'm typing on my phone.. I'll go on the computer to fix later.

I went back in the room by myself andprayed, and outloud pleaded the blood of Jesus to wake him. But as my cousin, his son, would later say, God called him home. He had been a faithful servant, he had fulfilled his purpose, and uncle rick had brought glory to God. He had called him home. My uncle had such health issues.. now he does not have pains, no more insulin, no more fear if stroke,and he can eat whatever he wants. Never before have I wanted to go to heaven so bad... I
told my uncle to say hello to my grandparents .. I just want to be with all my family where fear
and pain and tragedy can no longer get to us. It makes that song by switchfoot so much.more true to me... I don't belong here... I will carry the cross and song where I don't belong.